Setting Limits for School-Age Kids
Janice McCoy, Family Life Educator
We all know that children need limits. Children want to know what
the rules are and where parents draw the line for acceptable and
unacceptable behavior. According to Ellen Galinsky, a child development
expert, “Limits make children feel safe.” In addition,
rules help school-age children practice decision-making and gain
an understanding of natural and logical consequences.
Each family is unique and needs to determine its own rules and limits.
Some limits can be negotiated; others may not be up for discussion.
For instance, a non-negotiable rule might be completing homework
as soon as a child arrives home from school. A negotiable rule might
be weekend bedtimes.
Here are a few guidelines to follow when establishing limits:
- Make sure the limit is necessary. Having as few rules as possible
makes it clear to children what is expected of them. Too many
rules make children feel overwhelmed and rebellious. Remember
that you will have to impose the consequences later—if you
can’t impose the consequence, consider whether the rule
is necessary.
- When possible, state limits in a positive way. Instead of saying,
“No pop in the living room,” say, “Keep pop
in the kitchen so it doesn’t spill.”
- Have your grandchildren help you set the rules. Remember that
some are negotiable and some are not. The children only get to
help make the negotiable rules.
- Decide consequences ahead of time. For most limits, you can
have a general idea of what will happen if they are broken. If
possible, involve the children in deciding consequences. Then
when a consequence needs to be imposed, you can simply say to
the child, “Remember, you decided what would happen if this
rule was broken.”
- Take into consideration your grandchild’s abilities and
skills. A 4-year-old will not have the same rules as a 12-year-old.
In addition, children with developmental delays or other special
needs may need different rules from others in the home.
- VERY IMPORTANT! Once you establish limits, be sure to enforce
them consistently. Rules that are not enforced consistently are
ineffective.
In this Issue: When You Have a Pint-Sized
Biter | Setting Limits for School-Age Kids | Discipline
for Toddlers | Tips for Safe Grilling
| Recipe Corner
|
