Is a Bully Picking on Your Grandchild?
Milly Kaiser, family life educator
School can be tough for any child, but it’s even worse when
a bully starts to control the child’s attitudes and behavior.
Do you have any childhood memories of a bully? Maybe your parents
told you to stand up to the bully. In the past, the attitude about
bullying was "kids will be kids" or "it’s part
of growing up." But if bullying is, as some people claim, a
normal part of childhood, why do memories of bullies remain so vivid
in the minds of victims or even bystanders?
Conflict is a normal part of growing up, but bullying is a more
serious issue.
Many schools have implemented a comprehensive anti-bullying program.
These schools have the attitude that bullying will NOT
be tolerated.
Times have changed. Therefore, the advice we give to our children
or grandchildren on how to deal with a bully needs to change.
Start by understanding the difference between normal conflict and
bullying. Then, help your grandchild recognize the difference.
Kids who have conflict usually have equal power. The conflict only
happens once in a while, and typically both children will make an
effort to solve the problem. They often play together and their
goal is not to hurt each other.
Bullying is different. A bully has power over the victim. A bully
tries to physically harm or emotionally intimidate a victim, and
these encounters happen over and over. The two never play together,
and there is no effort to solve the problem. The bully actually
enjoys taunting the victim, and the victim is afraid.
So what can you do to help protect your grandchild from bully situations?
The authors of the book, Bully-Proofing Your Child, offer
the six strategies below. You will have a good feel for which ones
might work best for your grandchild’s personality. In any given
situation, your grandchild might use one of these ideas or a combination
of strategies.
Get Help
Explain to your grandchild when and how to get help. Identify adults
and kids who can help.
Assert Yourself
Sometimes a child should stand up to a bully, and sometimes not.
Help your grandchild know when and when not to be assertive. If
the bullying is severe or there’s a chance the victim could
be hurt, this is not an appropriate strategy.
Use Humor
When a child turns a difficult situation into a funny one, the bully
is caught off guard. Other children usually laugh and the bully
is minimized. This strategy may work for children who have the ability
to give a quick comeback. Just warn your grandchild not to "put-down"
the bully, because this will only make matters worse.
Avoid the Bully
Every child needs to know how and when to walk away. Sometimes,
just staying out of the bully’s way is the best strategy. Another
option is to make it clear that you don’t want to fight, and
then walk away.
Self Talk
With this strategy, the child says positive statements to himself
when a bully teases or taunts. This helps a child maintain a belief
in himself that counters the unfair opinion that the bully is constantly
giving.
Own It
This technique involves laughing at oneself. Basically, the child
agrees with the put-down to lighten up the situation. This strategy
works well when a child is teased about things like clothing, a
hairstyle, the bike they ride, or the car you drive. However, it
is not a good method if teasing is about the child’s identity
– like ethnicity, disability, or religion.
For more complete information on how to help your grandchild manage
bullying, check out the book, Bully-Proofing Your Child, A Parents
Guide by Carla Garrity, Mitchell Baris, and William Porter.
In This Issue: Is
a Bully Picking on Your Grandchild? | Recipe
Corner | Why Teens Take Risks| Lifeskills
for Today’s Kids |
