Families and ...


Respect

Anger

Stress

Managing Time

Values

Responsiblity

School

Discipline

The Teen Years

Gangs

Drugs

Diversity

Learning

Families and Anger—
Additional Resources

Everyone gets angry. Basically, we get frustrated or we feel attacked...and we get angry. The anger is a signal that something is going on that we need to take care of now. It's a cue to put us into action. Just like traffic signals or road signs, anger helps us to get over the humps and around the roadblocks that are a part of everyday life. (Actually, if we take time to think of it--all feelings serve as a signal.)

The problem starts somewhere as we try to answer the question "OK, now I'm angry...what am I going to do about it?" Anger is a very individual feeling. Anger comes along at different times and for different reasons for everybody. Some people become silent, some yell, some people even hit when they're angry.

Others turn their anger into something else. One person might get headaches, get depressed, or just feel bad. You may have no idea why they feel that way, but regardless, they are angry. Some people just explode when they get mad. It's almost like they can't hold onto any more anger. They've reached their limit, and they explode. These people sometimes have a habit of blaming others for their anger and what they did when they exploded. Anger is best when it is used to make a change happen and nobody gets hurt.

Anger in a family can be like toppling dominoes. When one family member gets angry and topples, the rest of the family topples too. Each family member is affected somehow . . . feeling the impact of anger in their family . . . and they may even get hurt.

If everyone works to remember that anger is a signal, to remember that anger can hurt, and to make changes without hurt, then anger indeed can be a good thing.

Reading, Watching and Listening List

Consult your local library to find these resources:

• What Is A Feeling? by David W. Krueger

• I'm Mad by Elizabeth Crary

• Dr. Weisinger's Anger Work-out Book

• Resolving Family Conflicts Where Everybody Wins by Mendel Liederman

• Peace in the Family by Lois Dorn

• Kids Killing Kids–Kids Saving Kids (videotape available at your local video store)

Family Works in Action

Here are some anger-related strategies to keep in mind for building stronger families:

• We are responsible for our own feelings, words, and actions.

• We look for feelings that come before anger such as frustration, fear or jealousy.

• We use words to express our feelings such as annoyed, lonely, helpless, scared, angry, sad or misunderstood.

• We identify the behavior or action that's making us angry.

• We find positive ways to deal with our anger, because how we become angry and what we do about it are habits that can be changed.

• We work to make each situation better for ourselves and our family by choosing a positive action such as:

  • Writing down our angry feelings

  • Drawing a picture of our angry feelings

  • Leaving the room until our feelings are under control

  • Talking about our anger with a friend or a trusted person

  • Using humor to ease the tension

  • Changing the surroundings that may cause anger

  • Letting off steam by reading, drawing, writing, or getting involved in physical activity

Encouragement

Remember...anger is okay, and it can even be a good thing. It's just a normal feeling that we all experience. We have positive and negative choices in each situation.

Keeping the other person in mind, learning from our mistakes, and working to make positive choices will help anger work for us—not against us.

Return to Families and Anger

	Feedback