Conflict Resolution Theory

How do skills taught on the Out On A Limb website help youth resolve conflicts?

Many of the conflicts that our youth are involved in continue over long periods of time because they fight each other rather than focus on the problem. How many times have you heard "I want the ball!" from one child, only to get the same response from the other child involved in the conflict. Those ever-present conflicts aren't solved by the two age-old techniques used by adults:

• An adult simply takes the ball - Here the children get into the conflict again when the adult walks off with the ball because the causes of the conflict are never addressed.
  

• An adult tells the children what to do - This might seem to be a great option until they stop doing what you told them to do. If the agreement breaks down, the youth are still in conflict with each other, and now are in conflict with you because your idea didn't work.

Conflict resolution helps adults stay out of the conflict, freeing children to resolve their own problems. It teaches skills vital not only in disputes over the ball, the toy, or the bad things said at lunch. The skills learned and used are important in each and every interaction we have throughout our lives. We will always have problems with co-workers just as we had problems with other children at recess. Conflict resolution helps all people manage these arguments because it allows them to:

• Move Beyond Positions - Positions are what people want. We take positions to fulfill our needs or interests. For example:
  
  Mark says: "I want the orange." (Mark's position)
  Kara replies: " I want the orange!" (Kara's position)
  
  Mark's potential interests: Mark wants the orange peel to use for a recipe. He is going to use it to cook with his mother. His interest is to bond and enjoy time with his mother. He might also feel some sense of accomplishment when he cooks.
  
  Kara's potential interests: Kara wants the meat of the orange because she needs a snack after baseball practice. The orange will satisfy her hunger and help her play better baseball.
  
  Normally, an adult would see the argument over the orange and either take it or cut it in half. This wouldn't resolve the conflict. Also, the children discussing only their positions would lead to more arguing. It is only when interests are discussed that the children can determine a solution that works for both of them.
  
  If resolving conflict is as easy as discussing interests, why can't people resolve more of their conflicts? What people are in conflict about is often unclear. That's because what people want might be different from what the motivation is behind what they want. Through the process of conflict resolution in our theoretical model, people in conflict will talk about their interests and needs, and then address what they want. In this way the reason for what a person wants is communicated, and the process for gaining perspectives is increased.

• Develop Ideas That Help All - Children think of potential solutions that meet everyone’s needs. They also acknowledge and build on shared interests and goals. The process is made easier because it occurs without criticism until as many ideas as possible are developed. The discussion is no longer "I think she should keep her mouth shut." Instead each child stops attacking and thinks "What can I do to fix this?"

• Communicate Effectively - Some conflicts children face seem silly to an outsider, especially an adult. These conflicts are very real for the children that face them. They may have difficulties using the Think and Share response to resolve them because they are extremely emotional, don't listen, or feel like they aren't being listened to. The Think and Share response helps children, because it allows them to express emotions, communicate, empathize and work together to attack the problem rather than each other.

How does negotiation build on these principles to help people resolve conflicts?

The Think and Share negotiation process allows two children to work together without the help of an adult to resolve a dispute. Using of the process will help create an environment in which children can express their feelings, concerns, and needs and can cooperate by thinking of win-win options.

The Think and Share process is broken into five steps:

• Step 1: Choose to Talk It Over – Deciding to talk about the problem with rules for the discussion is essential in creating a constructive problem-solving environment.

• Step 2: Talk About the Problem - Children in conflict have different perspectives of the same problem and set of events. Each child is allowed to express these perspectives without criticism during this step.

• Step 3: What Is Important and Why – Children often argue over what is important to them without discussing why. A win-win solution is reached only when children talk about their interests and needs. Youth then build on any common interests.

• Step 4: Finding Ideas for a Solution - Children think of win-win ideas that may resolve the conflict. They brainstorm without criticizing ideas.

• Step 5: Which Idea Is Best? - Children pick from ideas generated in Step 4. They each decide which options work best, which are fair, and which can be done. The youth make a plan of action for their relationship in the future.

Does this always work?

No, sometimes children are in situations where they need to use loud or soft styles. Children should never use the Think and Share style when they are:

• in a kidnapping or abduction situation,
• in a home where a parent doesn't encourage open communication,
• in physical danger, or
• not in a safe environment.

Introduction | Goals of This Website | Conflict Resolution Theory | How Can This Website Be Used?