When children get into arguments with each other, they generally choose to use the soft and loud responses. Sometimes they choose to talk it out, but lack the structure and tools to be truly effective. The Think and Share response builds on the communication and perception skills practiced throughout Out On A Limb to help children manage their problems with others. The five-step Think and Share process is designed to give both children time to speak without being interrupted. Both students deal with the problem and don't get stuck fighting with each other. The five-steps are as follows:

Step 1: Choose to Talk It Over – Children agree to talk about the problem and try to work together to think of ideas that might fix the problem. Students also agree on any guidelines that are necessary to have a good talk about their problem, including:

Notes:
1. Each student may reword these guidelines in their own way.
2. Never force a child to try to use the Think and Share process if she is not ready. If a child is forced into using the process, she will say whatever she thinks is necessary to get through it. This might lead to two children solving a problem in the short run, but the problem is more likely to resurface if one or both of them is forced into using the process.

Step 2: Talk About the Problem – Each child explains his or her point of view about the problem. Encourage the child that is not speaking to talk about what the speaker said as soon as the speaker is done.

Note: Try to have children move through this step very quickly. They just want an idea of what happened between them and how they each felt about it. If children get stuck in this step, they might begin arguing about each other's point of view. Using the "Talk About What I Heard You Say" skill helps prevent arguments because it forces the speaker to listen first rather than respond.

Step 3: What Is Important and Why – The children try to put themselves in each other's shoes by looking underneath the positions expressed and understanding the underlying interests. A position is what a child says he wants to result from the talk ("I want you to stop calling me names.") His interest is the reason why his position is important to him ("I don't like it when you call me names, because it makes me feel bad in front of my friends.")

If Mark and Rob above tried to use the Think and Share process to negotiate their positions, they would probably end up grabbing the videogame from each other—a worse situation than when they began. They will have a hard time finding win-win solutions that fix their problem unless they talk about their interests.

A child usually has a number of interests beneath his position. Mark above has two interests: respect for him and his property, and the videogame is really fun for him. Rob has only one interest in this scenario: respect for him. Can you think of any other potential interests of either child?

Step 4: Finding Ideas for a Solution - Win-win ideas meet the interests of both children involved in the conflict. Many children have a difficult time developing these ideas because adults resolve the conflict for them, or the children only think of things the other person can do to resolve the conflict. Step 4 allows those with the problem to think of their own ideas to solve their problem. Better solutions result because those with the best understanding of the problem have thought of their own win-win ideas. To effectively brainstorm, children should use the following guidelines:

• Don't put down any ideas.
  
• Think of things you can do to help solve the problem, not things you think the other person should do.
  
• Think of as many ideas as you can.
  
• Listen and be fair.

Step 5: Which Idea Is Best? – After developing ideas, the children must decide on which ones work best for them. A child should only agree to ideas she can carry out. Each idea must also be fair to both of them and follow the rules of the school or household. For example, no child should agree to throw spitballs, write on walls, or take things without permission if these things are against the rules. As the children discuss the ideas from Step 4, they begin to eliminate those that will not work for them. They might also try to combine all or parts of ideas to improve upon their brainstorming list from Step 4.

After eliminating and combining ideas, the children agree on a new plan of action with the ideas that help both of them. They make sure they understand what each child is responsible for under the plan. No plan lasts forever, so tell the students that they might try the Think and Share response again if any part of their plan falls through.

Have students think about a recent conflict that turned out well for them. Ask them to talk about why they thought the conflict was a positive experience for them. Typical answers include "I got what I wanted," "She listened to me," "We became friends again," "I wasn't angry anymore." Explain that the Think and Share response to conflict allows people to:

• Find out what the problem is.
  
• Share their feelings.
  
• Talk about how each person sees the problem.
  
• Talk and listen to each other.
  
• Come up with ideas that help both people and end the conflict.

Integrate the children's responses into this list as examples of each of the benefits of using the Think and Share process.

Exercise One – Step 3: What Is Important and Why?

What provides better examples of people in conflict than literature? Select a story or fairy tale that all of the children are familiar with. Divide the class into two groups. Have one sub-group be one character in the conflict. Have the other group be the other character. Have each sub-group write down the positions and any potential interests of the character they are playing. This will require a lot of imagination from the sub-group playing the role of the "bad guy" of the story.

For a discussion around Little Miss Muffett, you might get the positions of Miss Muffett and the Spider by asking each group: "What does Miss Muffett or the Spider say she wants?"

To have the children discuss interests you might ask: "Why might Miss Muffett want to sit in that spot to eat her breakfast?" or Why might the Spider not want Miss Muffett to sit there?"

Your children should develop a list like that below or one even more fanciful but loaded with insights about why the characters did what they did.

Exercise Two – Conflict Scenarios

Materials

• Out on a Limb Roleplays 1 through 3
• Steps to Think and Share worksheet
  

Instructions

Have the children form pairs. Ask each pair to decide who is Person A and who is Person B. Tell everyone that they will be playing a part of another child. They will each try their best to use the Think and Share response to resolve the problem. You will tell all Person As and all Person B's what the problem is about. Ask all Person A's to meet in the back of the room, while all Person B's will meet in the front.

Select a roleplay and meet with the Person A's. Read the Person A page to the children. Tell them to act out their parts and try to work out the problem using the Think and Share process. Instruct them that they can use the Out on a Limb Outline to try and work their problem out. You might also place a version of the outline on the board or newsprint. Provide the same instructions to the Person B group.

Give each pair 10 minutes to use the Think and Share process and then ask:

• What did you do well?
• What could you have done differently?
• Was any step hard for you?
  
• Did you make a plan to solve your problem?

Explain that children are not able to work things out all of the time. Children who are not able to make a plan to solve their problem have not failed. It takes hard work to use the Think and Share process. They can try to work it out at a later time, or can ask an adult to help. The important thing is that they try to work it out on their own with all of the tools they have learned from Maria and her friends.